Inner goddess: 1 – Ego: 0, take that Manniquin!

So I took a beach trip last weekend. I was so excited and ready to go when all of a sudden I realized ..Oh God, I haven’t gone bathing suit shopping in two years. That meant having to figure out what size I am now. Two years of working on my health, trying new foods and working out in different ways. I was scared. Scared that even tho I loved my relaxed yoga workouts, light weighs every other day , green smoothies and vegan burgers they were not working for me . I went into the store and saw nothing but skinny, well toned mannequins. sigh. I managed to find some cute suits and went into the fitting room…DUN DUN DUN. (dramatic music ).  I tried on the first one, EEK my boobs are too small for this and my skin color is too dark for the color. Next bathing suit, the bottom part didn’t even make it half way up my thighs.argggh! stretch marks on my butt and thighs. NEXT!. “I have NO waist!” . I stopped before even trying on the next one. The music in there was annoying me (Rihanna party music), the lights in the fitting room were waaay to bright. sigh. Inhale, looked in the mirror without looking at my body, I looked into my eyes, I am beautiful, there was the truth. My body is beautiful I have never been this strong, this glowing, in my eyes I saw that inner goddess, I saw the love that I have found over the two years. It was such a long journey that took me so much to get there, I will never let anyone ever take that from me why would I do that to myself?” took another inhale, and exhale. I worked two years, discovering myself, healing, learning, transformed my health . If anything I feel better than ever and LOVE my body! Why I am I going to let a stupid bathing suit that’s meant to fit fake plastic people take all that away from me?? I start laughing and feel silly for judging myself. I go out there to take a second look, when I come back to the fitting room I try on a couple more and found a good one that I loved ( the colors and shape!) . Perfect.

It’s amazing what a change in attitude and awareness can do but more amazing how fast we can let our true self go over materialistic stuff. Next time ( IF you have a freak out moment like me) think: is this really worth it? Is this worth putting myself down and finding flaws in me? the answer should be NO! NOTHING is worth losing yourself, nothing is worth putting yourself down, and letting go of that love that took you a journey to get to. Love yourself stretch marks and all. Malls and stores can be a pretty scary place to be at when you have all these things and people to compare yourself to. IGNORE it. When I was on my trip I didn’t care who was looking at me, how well the suit fit me, all I was focused on was how good that sand felt between my toes, how amazing the sun and the breeze felt on my skin. I was grateful for it all and grateful that my inner goddess is always there to pull me up whenever my ego takes over ❤

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Beautiful Changes

 I feel its been forever since I last blogged.So many amazing things are happening in my life and I mean ACTUALLY  happening! Ever since I stepped my foot down and decided that I was going to make things happen and follow my heart 110% of the way,  my reality completely shifted. I keep meeting amazing people, I am attracting what I need, magical things are happening in my life , and yes I say magical because it really is like magic! So, I am here thinking when did all these things start happening for me? Where did this all come from?  It’s so amazing to me that I have been having the best days of my life, attracting things I never thought possible and I am so very grateful for it all. When I think about it, it really did start happening since my last personal blog. When I seriously decided that I was going to break the cycle that I was in, when I decided that enough was enough , that I NEEDED to make things happen and armed with the knowledge of what I wanted to do- I decided I was going to go out there with no limitations,  no whining, without being a victim. I wanted to wake up every morning feeling this is what I am meant to do and keep moving towards that amazing bright energy. Ever since then, my life has been magical. The signs I have been receiving, the people I have been meeting, the way I have been feeling , all of it. My friends, it is true what they say, (they’re not just some cheesy quotes that you keep seeing) it is simple: You DO create your reality, YOU attract what you truly want , YOU are the creator of your life and destiny. You can’t just sit and wait there for things to get better, you must get out there and do it yourself! If nothing happens the first day or month DON’T give up! Learn from your falls, if it doesn’t work one way try another but don’t ever give up on your dreams and heart.

 ” Every step is an accomplishment, Every fall is a lesson, either way I am improving “

So, here are 3 things that I have learned recently that I just felt I need to share with you all. These three things can either save you pain or help you stay inspired and make things happen for you because it sure helped me! ❤

    “Be honest with yourself and you will be honest with the world “

We are sometimes in situations where we think it’s okay to lie or not stand up for ourselves. We sweep things under the rug and say  “ it will get better or it will change”. We ignore the HUGE deep feeling in our heart and gut that is telling us to do the opposite. That, my friends, is not being honest with yourself. This leads to regrets, to pain, to hurting other people. The moment you decide to be honest with yourself and with what you are truly feeling about a certain situation,  you can be honest with others and say  “You know what? thit is not okay with me ”. You save yourself pain for later. There is no reason why we should be out there lying to ourselves and each other that just leads to a life full of heartache and pain. So start now and ask yourself  ”Do I really want this career or am I doing it just to make my parents proud?”, “Do I honestly want to get back with that person?”, “Do I honestly want that job?”

      “You are really not alone!”

After everything I have learned,  the experiences I’ve had, and well, pretty much living life a different way- I started paying attention to how I felt around certain people and things. I feel SO out-of-place when I am out with people my age. When do I happen to go out to a party, I’m usually surrounded by people who only have 3 things in their minds : drugs, sex, and partying. SO not my thing. I look at people in a very crazy way when I see them chugging down a monster energy drink, with a shot of god knows what type of alcohol, followed by a can of beer.  “Do they have ANY idea what that’s doing to their kidneys and PH level?!” ( yes I actually do think that lol ). I am still sometimes called a grandma just because I like to get my 8 hours of sleep, work out, and eat healthy. So, for a long while I isolated myself from the “normal real world”. I stuck to book stores, hung out at health food stores, the mountains, my room, my kitchen and the internet. If I hung out with people, it would be my health coach classmates or lunch with my older friends. Not that I mind, (I still don’t mind and they know I love them dearly and I always have fun with them) but, you know, I am 20.  I should be out there socializing, still relaxing sometimes, having fun and maybe open a few minds at the same time.. I still felt alone sometimes, I still sometimes wanted to, you know, connect more with my peers, have fun and  balance both worlds out. Eventually, I started meeting people my age that were actually cool. They weren’t into health and healing, but in a way our energies were the same. This was when I knew it wasn’t about meeting and surrounding yourself with people who are doing exactly what you are doing, but meeting different people doing different things and still wanting to do one thing- bettering the world. Some may do marketing, others help people heal through food, some help you find your dream job and passion, while others help you grow a successful business with love. It’s about being part of a community. A community that is going to help our world become a better place one project at a time and in different ways. You are never truly alone.  There are people out there on the same plane as you are. You just have to truly open your mind and heart to it. We often think that it is better to not be out there in the real world that we live in so we don’t have to deal with “normal” or typical people, but the truth is, that is exactly what we need to be doing. Getting out there, touching lives, opening minds, and sharing the light that we want to share!

Remember blossoming souls, there are always others out there on a jouney too, remember to stay true to your self, follow your heart, keep reaching for your dreams and for what calls you. Things will come your way to etiher teach you a lesson, help you grow, or enlighten your path ❤

My Inner Calling

First off , I want to share this beautiful African story.

” Once upon a time there was a normal family: mother, father, children. It was normal in every respect except one : Rather of flesh and bones, the children were made of wax.

This was a serious problem. The children could never go out side in the sun light, because if they did, they would melt. They lived at nighttime and could not see what the world was like. By day they stayed inside a windowless hut, where they were protected by the heat. ” We will never know what the world is like”, they would say. They were good children and got along with one another.  Besides, being made of wax, they had the advantage of not feeling pain.

All went well. But one of them, Ngwabi, was very curious. He wanted to explore the wonders of the world, as he heard about them and often dreamt of them. He wanted to see the clouds and the sky, the great river, and the animals. He wanted to see the trees moving in the wind and wander in the vast savannas.

He was tired of staying at home just staring at the wall : He wished to see the many faces of beauty. So one day at dawn he decided to go out and set off on a journey of discovery.  “Do not go,” his brothers and sisters begged him. But out he went into the light.

His trip did not last long. He managed to see the glory of dawn, the delicate pink and mauve of the clouds, the cheetahs in their magnificent race. Everything seemed marvelous to him. But shortly the sun came up and beamed more intensely. He began to melt, soon he was nothing more than a pool of colored wax on the dusty ground.

   At nightfall, his brothers and sisters looked for him, found him and cried. Their tears fell upon the remains of their brother. With their parents, they took the wax and molded it into a bird. They made wings out of palm leaves so the wax would be protected from the sun. Then they put the wax bird on top of a hill near their home, and waited inside their hut, watching through a crack.

   At dawn, the wax bird took the color of fire. He seemed to breathe. His eyes opened. He began to fly. His parents, brothers and sisters watched in awe. He was now a noble bird of many colors. He circled once above their heads, as if to greet and thank them. Then he flew away, ready to explore and enjoy, happy at last. “

The theme of this story is death and rebirth. Our old self dies, the new one comes to light.

Personally, I feel I found this story just when I needed it. Lately I have been going through the weirdest days. I feel like every day I have been having deep life realizations. Trying to follow my heart has never been easy, but who can when you’re at the last years of your teen age. I have been so caught up on my school and just in the nutrition world that I had totally forgotten about my TRUE passion, WHY I want to help people, HOW I originally decided to do things. It wasn’t until I saw Earthlings a few weeks ago that I had remembered why I eat the way I eat, I had forgotten about me wanting to save the world. I became a vegetarian because of my love for animals, I felt their pain, my heart would always go out to them, to our dying earth. Ever since then, I have just, I guess, returned to the hippie me. Once again I started doing my spiritual yoga almost everyday and I feel my heart speaking louder and clearly each day.

Life seems be showing me very CLEARLY what I definitely do not want in my life. New people and opportunities have come into my life . Things and people who I thought I really wanted and needed, but once they were there, facing those opportunities, something deep down in my heart just said “nope this isn’t it” . I have walked out of naturopathic doctors offices, walked out of enrollment appointments for local yoga schools, said no to people who still want me to cook “healthy but meat” for them. People who I thought I needed  for dependence or to move on in life turned out to just make me feel more suffocated. They actually ended up reminding me how much I DON’T want to take care of people like that. I want my own time to heal and learn. Something in my heart and gut in those moments just tell me that is not it. That feeling kinda reminds me of the time that when I was in a very toxic relationship, cried everyday because I couldn’t be my true self, I couldn’t spread my wings, I knew I needed out. After all of these experiences I just felt like I have been going through this incredible change, like I finally came out of my dark cocoon. I have let go of so many guilt, pain, and just stupid things that I felt were holding me down. Just like the story of the Ngwabi, I feel reborn and free to follow my heart all the way & do the things I have been dreaming of.

At the same time,  I have been learning and going through self-love. After going through it and just going deeper into it it’s just amazing what that could do for ourselves and this world that we are all part of. Something about this subject just calls my name! It makes sense to me why I would be so attracted to it , I have always been this sensitive, heart-felt just want to give love machine. If there is one thing I could share and teach the world that’s what it would be . LOVE. The way I see and feel it everything connects with love and anything can be healed with it too.

All of this is just been causing me to make changes in my life. I yearn for this great change, adventure and ability to be able to share this with the world. So, I want to leave this fall to other countries to learn more about love. Whether it’s through yogis, meditation,or  nature, I want it all. I want to experience it all.

To a part of me this sounds so crazy! I have never even been on an airplane! never traveled on my own, and of course (here comes the ego and rational thinking)..where the hell am I going to get the money for all of this?! I can barely even afford to pay my car, my veggies, gym membership, and phone bill!

So… here is my plan: Work my butt off this summer! Whatever comes my way as a tool or help I will take it! It is time baby! I feel it and I am not talking about a one week hype , this is what I feel my soul is yearning for, it is what I have always wanted to do at some point in my life. I am turning 20 this Sunday, I am single, I have let go of everything that holds me back. I am ready!

I am encouraging all of you to, ok maybe not be all crazy like me but, just to explore self-love! FALL IN LOVE with yourself. Once you do that everything else follows, your relationships change, you will actually want to take care of yourself, you will start seeing beauty in just everything! Once you truly love your self and there is no way anyone could every take that love or happiness away you are ready to follow your heart and go after what your soul is yearning for!

My thing with Yoga

The first time I heard of yoga was 3 years ago in anatomy class. The thing that caught my attention about yoga was not the amazing physical benefits but the spiritual side of it. So I flirted with yoga for a couple of months and felt great ! not necessarily spiritually but mostly physically I could finally touch my toes!

Trough out the years I have noticed a big difference between the times I practice yoga and when I don’t. Physically I am a lot more …ninja like. Better balanced, I feel I pay more attention to things like details, I am not so clumsy ( I am catching things before they fall to the floor lol), and oh yes I also feel STRONG. I could weigh lift for two weeks , 5x a week and I wont be able to do a push ups or arm balances (crow pose) . After doing yoga three days in a row I am balancing on my arms and closer to doing a push up, weird.

Now my favorite part of yoga, the weird thing is I have noticed yoga always comes into my life during certain times. When there is big changes going on with me . During my last break up I started practicing yoga in my own in my room. One night after an intense session I sat on the floor catching my breath, and out of no where tears started rolling down my cheeks. All I could think of was him, our relationship and how much he has helped me grow and becoming the person I am today. It wasn’t like I was crying because of the breakup I was crying because I felt so much love, gratitude, and relief in a way. I felt I had let go of all the bad things I was feeling about the breakup and about the relationship.

See, my thing with yoga is very special, Yoga is always there to help me out whether I feel lost, heart broke, angry, stiff, sore, or weak. Yoga helps me find myself, my true self , my strong, loving, patient, happy, grateful, talkative, creative, self.

My tips for starters:

  • Start slowly, if you’re not use to stretching trust me you can hurt yourself and will be sore 🙂
  • If you are going into yoga for spiritual and calming reason I do not recommend practicing yoga at your gym’s yoga class. Most teachers are teaching the workout part of it & can be rough!
  • Check out tons of books, videos and or classes at an actual yoga studio!
  • If you’re going to try it at home make sure it is a quite private place of yours. I like my room just because I love the energy in there (I live in a house with 4 other people so I find my room to be my place). I clear out clutter, open up the window, place my mat facing the window, maybe light up a candle or incense, and put on music so I won’t hear the noise outside my room . I love listening to “Helios” station on Pandora, its relaxing, has a good beat to it for yoga as well.

For the last year , have been looking into schools to practice and become a teacher to help others find their thing with yoga as well.  Something about it is just calling my name 😀

Also I am announcing that  I will be part of  Natural Life Yoga Retreat  with my beautiful friend Brianne Spans aka YogaMamma who is an amazing yoga teacher in Chicago. This retreat is all about finding your true self and connecting back with nature. By connecting with nature we don’t mean loving nature and rolling around in the grass and hugging trees , no. We mean getting back in touch with your self, learn how to heal with natural foods and yoga. obviously there will be a lot of yoga going on, nutrition classes by me, recipes, food samples, an I have mention it is by a lake? For more information on the retreat Click Here