So I took a beach trip last weekend. I was so excited and ready to go when all of a sudden I realized ..Oh God, I haven’t gone bathing suit shopping in two years. That meant having to figure out what size I am now. Two years of working on my health, trying new foods and working out in different ways. I was scared. Scared that even tho I loved my relaxed yoga workouts, light weighs every other day , green smoothies and vegan burgers they were not working for me . I went into the store and saw nothing but skinny, well toned mannequins. sigh. I managed to find some cute suits and went into the fitting room…DUN DUN DUN. (dramatic music ). I tried on the first one, EEK my boobs are too small for this and my skin color is too dark for the color. Next bathing suit, the bottom part didn’t even make it half way up my thighs.argggh! stretch marks on my butt and thighs. NEXT!. “I have NO waist!” . I stopped before even trying on the next one. The music in there was annoying me (Rihanna party music), the lights in the fitting room were waaay to bright. sigh. Inhale, looked in the mirror without looking at my body, I looked into my eyes, I am beautiful, there was the truth. My body is beautiful I have never been this strong, this glowing, in my eyes I saw that inner goddess, I saw the love that I have found over the two years. It was such a long journey that took me so much to get there, I will never let anyone ever take that from me why would I do that to myself?” took another inhale, and exhale. I worked two years, discovering myself, healing, learning, transformed my health . If anything I feel better than ever and LOVE my body! Why I am I going to let a stupid bathing suit that’s meant to fit fake plastic people take all that away from me?? I start laughing and feel silly for judging myself. I go out there to take a second look, when I come back to the fitting room I try on a couple more and found a good one that I loved ( the colors and shape!) . Perfect.
It’s amazing what a change in attitude and awareness can do but more amazing how fast we can let our true self go over materialistic stuff. Next time ( IF you have a freak out moment like me) think: is this really worth it? Is this worth putting myself down and finding flaws in me? the answer should be NO! NOTHING is worth losing yourself, nothing is worth putting yourself down, and letting go of that love that took you a journey to get to. Love yourself stretch marks and all. Malls and stores can be a pretty scary place to be at when you have all these things and people to compare yourself to. IGNORE it. When I was on my trip I didn’t care who was looking at me, how well the suit fit me, all I was focused on was how good that sand felt between my toes, how amazing the sun and the breeze felt on my skin. I was grateful for it all and grateful that my inner goddess is always there to pull me up whenever my ego takes over ❤