My Inner Calling

First off , I want to share this beautiful African story.

” Once upon a time there was a normal family: mother, father, children. It was normal in every respect except one : Rather of flesh and bones, the children were made of wax.

This was a serious problem. The children could never go out side in the sun light, because if they did, they would melt. They lived at nighttime and could not see what the world was like. By day they stayed inside a windowless hut, where they were protected by the heat. ” We will never know what the world is like”, they would say. They were good children and got along with one another.  Besides, being made of wax, they had the advantage of not feeling pain.

All went well. But one of them, Ngwabi, was very curious. He wanted to explore the wonders of the world, as he heard about them and often dreamt of them. He wanted to see the clouds and the sky, the great river, and the animals. He wanted to see the trees moving in the wind and wander in the vast savannas.

He was tired of staying at home just staring at the wall : He wished to see the many faces of beauty. So one day at dawn he decided to go out and set off on a journey of discovery.  “Do not go,” his brothers and sisters begged him. But out he went into the light.

His trip did not last long. He managed to see the glory of dawn, the delicate pink and mauve of the clouds, the cheetahs in their magnificent race. Everything seemed marvelous to him. But shortly the sun came up and beamed more intensely. He began to melt, soon he was nothing more than a pool of colored wax on the dusty ground.

   At nightfall, his brothers and sisters looked for him, found him and cried. Their tears fell upon the remains of their brother. With their parents, they took the wax and molded it into a bird. They made wings out of palm leaves so the wax would be protected from the sun. Then they put the wax bird on top of a hill near their home, and waited inside their hut, watching through a crack.

   At dawn, the wax bird took the color of fire. He seemed to breathe. His eyes opened. He began to fly. His parents, brothers and sisters watched in awe. He was now a noble bird of many colors. He circled once above their heads, as if to greet and thank them. Then he flew away, ready to explore and enjoy, happy at last. “

The theme of this story is death and rebirth. Our old self dies, the new one comes to light.

Personally, I feel I found this story just when I needed it. Lately I have been going through the weirdest days. I feel like every day I have been having deep life realizations. Trying to follow my heart has never been easy, but who can when you’re at the last years of your teen age. I have been so caught up on my school and just in the nutrition world that I had totally forgotten about my TRUE passion, WHY I want to help people, HOW I originally decided to do things. It wasn’t until I saw Earthlings a few weeks ago that I had remembered why I eat the way I eat, I had forgotten about me wanting to save the world. I became a vegetarian because of my love for animals, I felt their pain, my heart would always go out to them, to our dying earth. Ever since then, I have just, I guess, returned to the hippie me. Once again I started doing my spiritual yoga almost everyday and I feel my heart speaking louder and clearly each day.

Life seems be showing me very CLEARLY what I definitely do not want in my life. New people and opportunities have come into my life . Things and people who I thought I really wanted and needed, but once they were there, facing those opportunities, something deep down in my heart just said “nope this isn’t it” . I have walked out of naturopathic doctors offices, walked out of enrollment appointments for local yoga schools, said no to people who still want me to cook “healthy but meat” for them. People who I thought I needed  for dependence or to move on in life turned out to just make me feel more suffocated. They actually ended up reminding me how much I DON’T want to take care of people like that. I want my own time to heal and learn. Something in my heart and gut in those moments just tell me that is not it. That feeling kinda reminds me of the time that when I was in a very toxic relationship, cried everyday because I couldn’t be my true self, I couldn’t spread my wings, I knew I needed out. After all of these experiences I just felt like I have been going through this incredible change, like I finally came out of my dark cocoon. I have let go of so many guilt, pain, and just stupid things that I felt were holding me down. Just like the story of the Ngwabi, I feel reborn and free to follow my heart all the way & do the things I have been dreaming of.

At the same time,  I have been learning and going through self-love. After going through it and just going deeper into it it’s just amazing what that could do for ourselves and this world that we are all part of. Something about this subject just calls my name! It makes sense to me why I would be so attracted to it , I have always been this sensitive, heart-felt just want to give love machine. If there is one thing I could share and teach the world that’s what it would be . LOVE. The way I see and feel it everything connects with love and anything can be healed with it too.

All of this is just been causing me to make changes in my life. I yearn for this great change, adventure and ability to be able to share this with the world. So, I want to leave this fall to other countries to learn more about love. Whether it’s through yogis, meditation,or  nature, I want it all. I want to experience it all.

To a part of me this sounds so crazy! I have never even been on an airplane! never traveled on my own, and of course (here comes the ego and rational thinking)..where the hell am I going to get the money for all of this?! I can barely even afford to pay my car, my veggies, gym membership, and phone bill!

So… here is my plan: Work my butt off this summer! Whatever comes my way as a tool or help I will take it! It is time baby! I feel it and I am not talking about a one week hype , this is what I feel my soul is yearning for, it is what I have always wanted to do at some point in my life. I am turning 20 this Sunday, I am single, I have let go of everything that holds me back. I am ready!

I am encouraging all of you to, ok maybe not be all crazy like me but, just to explore self-love! FALL IN LOVE with yourself. Once you do that everything else follows, your relationships change, you will actually want to take care of yourself, you will start seeing beauty in just everything! Once you truly love your self and there is no way anyone could every take that love or happiness away you are ready to follow your heart and go after what your soul is yearning for!

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4 thoughts on “My Inner Calling

  1. Ana
    What an amazing blog post. So inspiring!!! I can related to everything you wrote. Very inspiring. Keep up all that you do cause you are a truly special person that will make a difference in this world. Good for you!

  2. Ana,

    This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing your soul with us here. It isn’t always easy to be open and vulnerable publicly. As a fellow blogger and spiritual being with many daily realizations, I can completely relate.

    Here you are honoring yourself, your true self and it warms my heart because I am experiencing so many of the same emotions you are. Some think that when your so positive and poised that you have it all together, but we each have so much to learn and the greatest and most important lesson is learning to love, accept and cherish ourselves.

    That is the great lesson I am learning about now. Thank you again and I’m so grateful to have a new friend like you in my life, I know we haven’t spent a tremendous amount of time together yet, but I am not worried, our souls are made of the same 🙂

    Keep writing,
    Kelsey Wong (aka travelgem)

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